Why do we say she wasn’t dishonored?

Something came to my mind after reading all the posts and as my husband and I come across another red tape against rape reporting and what not. Don’t want to go into the details of that.

A few things that I have tried to look through history for answers.

  1. When Sandy Hook school shooting happened in 2012, the name of the perpetrator was known but wasn’t highlighted. He was de-named.
  2. When Charleston Church Shooting happened the neighborhood de-named the murderer and spoke the most about the members they had lost.

Grief affects people differently when death occurs. The cause of death throws us off more than the actual event of death. Murder would have worse and longer resolution than clinical death, for example. When the perpetrator was denamed it was a form of denouncement of a bad person. It was a very powerful way of looking at this crime. The crime was remembered for the people it took when usually it becomes about the person who committed it, right? That type of action is awe-inspiring and changed my personal attitude towards how the grieved can sometimes choose to handle the grief.

Rape is a feeling of suspension. It’s like a state of shocked life. It is also a trauma that unlike death, people live through. The victim lives through it.

Rapists aren’t on my list of people to rehab because I’m not sure if they can be. Rape psychology is complex and actually if you look through literature some people have supported it as an essential means of continuing human life on earth. Despite this and the rising number of rape attacks, humans are thinning. That theory is still widely cited.

Women have to really pick a lane where they are with fellow women.
That lane will have to say
“If you think you’ve been dishonored, then I say you’ve been dishonored because I can’t tell you how to feel”.

We raise women in patriarchal systems and make their virginity so precious that women were routinely showed wells and heights to kill themselves if their “honor” was threatened during India Pakistan partition. Can you see the problem? They were told to kill themselves to protect their “honor”. So how can we tell them now that they weren’t dishonored?

A woman was violated. Now we can employ some outrageous belief that was constructed by a minority of Pakistan that the rapist is the one who lost his honor but we don’t even know who the rapist is! See the irony? But we know who this woman is. We know she had two kids. We even know the name and make of her car. But we don’t know the rapists.

In a patriarchal society where when a man has to insult another man he uses a slur based in incest, she lost her honor.
In a society where she was raised to think that her virginity was a measure of her chastity, she lost her honor.
So actually, rape does attack the very thing that women are raised to consider their biggest honor. Vagina is so sacred that we have developed an unhealthy religious and social obsession with it.

Critically speaking, Islam doesn’t fixate on sexuality as much as piety. Piety is what Islam preaches. A cornerstone of piety would be to not harm other humans.

When we harm someone their feelings become important. They’re also in shock so they won’t register new lessons. The victim should be centered. In rapes and crimes against minorities, all women and an ethnic minority should be centered but they’re not. Their feelings should be heard and we should be silent.

Teaching them a new way to look at this is a way to tone police.

Acknowledging their feelings is the most important and probably the easiest thing. Let’s do that!


  1. Thank you for this deep insight about such a horrible topic.
    Women have to unite all over the world.

    Love and strength for the victim
    a sister from Germany

    Liked by 1 person

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