Why I don’t have time to deal with toxic people!

1. First of all, the amount of conformity toxicity demands is a full time job. I already have a full time job.

2. Toxic people expect you to mold your life according to them. How can I do that? That would mean compromising on my family life and my work life. Why would I make that type of space for toxicity?

3. Toxicity expects us to be always present to feed its ego. That’s a huge undertaking.

4. Also, toxic people never rest just because we have met their initial asks. They continue to raise the wager of their friendship and cause burn out.

5. Also, anytime you find your voice with toxicity, it tries to silence you, shame you and belittle you. That’s the price for being friends with it. Why would anyone make time for something as demanding and soul-sucking as that?

For these reasons and for many more, I have chosen to not make space for toxicity in my life. I don’t have time for it.

6 Comments

  1. First of all, thank you for writing on this subject. I have a different take on this matter. Let me try to make my point as succinctly as possible. I know we have all kinds of people in this world but we have to live together anyway since humanity is one big family. If some members are not behaving according to our expectations, that does not mean that we should get rid of them or stop interacting with them. I totally understand the phenomenon of “toxicity” but we must understand that we have a responsibility towards them. We cannot blame them for our shortcomings. I learnt this long time ago that we are entirely responsible for ourselves. That essentially means that whatever happens to us is our responsibility. I know it is not easy to face challenges but interestingly challenges (the biggest challenges) are our true friends because they are the ones which bring the best out of us. Irrespective of how others behave, we must not stop acting right. We must not stop loving such people whom we call toxic. They are our responsibility. It is for this reason that when we see anyone in dire need (like dying or facing some natural calamity), our true self comes out and we make all possible efforts to take care of them. I think we must do the same under normal circumstances as well. I mean we must do out best for such people by behaving in the most human ways (ethical and moral). I am not at all saying that we should do that at the cost of our essential responsibilities, such as our family, profession etc. All I am saying is that we must keep behaving as good humans and never close the channels of communication. We can always interact in a nice manner even if someone is not inclined to. I know some people are rude etc. but still if we are good humans, then we would care about everyone. Just imagine if that toxic person is our own daughter or son, how would we like others to treat her or him. I think we know the answer. All I would say in closing is that let’s keep loving our fellow beings irrespective of what they are. There is no better way and most of all life is too short to do things which are a violation of our basic nature, which seeks love and love. I hope I made some sense. Sorry for making it such a long story but had no option.

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  2. There’s a huge chance for learned toxicity which is also actually the postulated mechanism for internalized misogyny. So nothing evaporates. It all consolidates. Calling it out and isolating ourselves ensures that we don’t become toxic in return.

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  3. I always think that first v should try to check ourselves that v may not become toxic for anyone else.rest evaporate with time.

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  4. I have loads of history with toxic people. Unfortunately I am still on social terms with some. I’d say just minimize unnecessary interaction. Loads of love and prayers for you.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. So true dear. I’m dealing with one such person in my life right now and you have just hit the nail on its head. But what to do if that toxic person is living with you and you can’t get rid of that person… it’s really effecting my life and my kids life.

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