As I watched my friend crying, I felt really sad for her. She had just broken up and had now seen her boyfriend change his relationship status back to “in a relationship” on Facebook. It was mortifying to her. As she was crying her lungs out, she hiccuped and said “I really thought he was the one”.
Which is a strange thing to say. How do you know someone is the one? I mean aren’t they all the one until you break up? To me it’s so strange to think that the universe made only one perfect partner for us and yet, we have crushed on enough people that we could have a full dinner party with around our dinner table.
“The one” is actually the biggest Morse code of the nomenclature of love. What does it even mean? I’ve heard many celebrities proclaim their love for one another in romantic relationships and openly embrace the other as the one. Then an ugly divorce later they are rid of this malady that makes them label someone as the one.
Personally I don’t believe in the one. I don’t believe in “we only live once, we only love once”. No! Love is too giant an entity to not affect us deeply each time it touches us. It’s too consuming and overwhelming to not register with us each time it happens. To say that someone was the one is like saying that love just happens once. When I don’t think that’s true. May be your experience is different.
The one can easily transform into not the one. As we grow older, we change. Our friends change. Our hobbies change. Our jobs change. Our bank accounts change. Sometimes we change so much that the one doesn’t remain the one. We outgrow the one. And then set off to find the one again. The one keeps changing. It’s not God that we have fallen love with and there isn’t another one like Him. A human being can be the focus of our lives for twenty five years and then can’t be. It’s possible and might I say, probably more natural than many decade-long relationships?
I think there is a fixation with the highly nuanced concept of “the one”. It sounds romantic and like once you’ve found the one, the stars and moon will dance for you every night. I don’t believe in that. There can be more than one person who we can fall in love with over the course of our lives. There is no reason to look for the one. There is no “the one”. There are many awesome people and if love needs to happen a second, third, fourth or twentieth time, so be it.